


Bugs (SEASON ONE, EPISODE EIGHT)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon, Episode: s01e08 Bugs, script
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 14:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6757975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean n' Sam arrive up in a hood checkin up a report of a mysterious dirtnap, n' stop at a realtorz open doggy den barbecue. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sam meets tha realtorz lil hustla Matt, whoz ass is fascinated wit bugs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Soon tha hood is invaded by swarmz of deadly bugs, n' there may be no way out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

EXT. OASIS PLAINS, OKLAHOMA

Construction workers is buildin a luxury home complex. Da scene focuses on two hommies from Oklahoma Gas n' Power, TRAVIS WEAVER n' DUSTIN BURWASH.

 **TRAVIS  
** Man, these is some phat houses, huh, biatch? I'd like ta live here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **DUSTIN  
** Yeah, too shitty you can't afford dat shit.

 **TRAVIS  
** Yeah, you right. This hood'll be damn high-rollin' when itz done.

 **TRAVIS  
** Fuck dat shit, dis place is perfect. (Dude smacks a funky-ass bug on tha side of his neck.) Except fo' tha mosquitoes. (Off-screen, his schmoooove ass can hear DUSTIN beatboxin fo' help yo. Dude turns n' sees dat DUSTIN has fallen tha fuck into a hole up in tha ground.) Dustin?

Dude rushed over ta tha hole.

 **DUSTIN  
** Help me, I be trapped hommie! I broke mah ankle biaaatch!

 **TRAVIS  
** All right, I be bout ta git a rope biaaatch!

Dude leaves. Inside tha hole, DUSTIN is clutchin his bloody ankle, breathang heavily yo. Dude looks round nervously n' sees dat there be thousandz of beetlez inside tha wallz of tha hole. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Several of dem have landed on his hand, n' he frantically brushes dem off.

 **DUSTIN  
** Oh, Dogg.

Outside tha hole, TRAVIS runs ta a nearby truck n' opens dat shit. Back inside tha hole, tonz of beetlez is beginnin ta cover DUSTIN'S body. They gather up in crews on his threadz n' skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DUSTIN  
** Travis, help!

 **TRAVIS  
** Hang on!

TRAVIS gets a rope from tha truck. Inside tha hole, DUSTIN be almost entirely covered up in beetles.

 **DUSTIN  
** Travis, help!

Dude continues ta scream as beetlez crawl inside his wild lil' fuckin ears n' nose.

 **TRAVIS  
** It aint nuthin but all gravy, Dustin! It aint nuthin but all gravy! (Dude runs back ta tha hole wit supplies.) Dustin, biatch? Dustin, I be here! (Dude looks tha fuck into tha hole wit a gangbangin' flashlight, horrified.) Oh, Dogg.

Inside tha hole, DUSTIN is dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude is bleedin heavily from tha ears, nose, n' eyes.


	2. ACT ONE

EXT. OKLAHOMA BAR - NIGHT

SAM is readin a newspaper article bout DUSTIN fo' realz. A minute later, DEAN comes outside, bustin up n' wavin a wad of chedda up in tha air. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know, we could git dizzle thangs once up in a while.

 **DEAN  
** Huntingz our dizzle thang fo' realz. And tha pay is crap.

 **SAM  
** Yeah yo, but hustlin pool, biatch? Credit card scams, biatch? It aint nuthin but not da most thugged-out real thang up in tha ghetto, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Well, letz peep honest. (Dude holdz up one hand.) Fun n' easy as fuck . (Dude holdz up tha other, n' gestures dat "fun n' easy as fuck " outweighs "honest".) It aint nuthin but no contest. Besides, we phat at dat shit. It aint nuthin but what tha fuck we was raised ta do.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, well, how tha fuck we was raised was jacked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, say you, biatch. We gots a freshly smoked up gig or what, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Maybe. Oasis Plains, Oklahoma - not far from here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho fo' realz. A gas company hommie, Dustin Burwash, supposedly took a dirt nap from Creutzfeldt-Jakob.

 **DEAN  
** Huh, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Human mad cow disease.

 **DEAN  
** Mad cow. Wasn't dat on Oprah, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Yo ass peep Oprah, biatch?

DEAN, embarrassed, can't be thinkin of anythang ta say.

 **DEAN  
** (changin topic) So dis muthafucka smokes a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shitty-ass burger n' shit. Why is it our kind of thang, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Mad cow disease causes massive dome degeneration. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Well shiiiit, it takes months, even years, fo' tha damage ta appear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. But dis muthafucka, Dustin, biatch? Soundz like his dome disintegrated up in bout a hour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Maybe less.

 **DEAN  
** Okay, thatz weird. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Now, it could be a gangbangin' finger-lickin' disease. Or it could be somethin' much nastier n' shit.

 **DEAN  
** All right. Oklahoma. (They git up in tha car.) Man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Work, work, work. No time ta spend mah scrilla.

They drive off.

EXT OKLAHOMA GAS AND POWER COMPANY BUILDING - DAY

DEAN n' SAM git outta tha hoopty n' approach TRAVIS.

 **SAM  
** Travis Weaver, biatch?

 **TRAVIS  
** Yeah, thatz right.

 **DEAN  
** Is you tha Travis whoz ass hit dat shiznit wit Uncle Dusty, biatch?

 **TRAVIS  
** Dustin never mentioned nephews.

 **DEAN  
** Really, biatch? Well, da perved-out muthafucka shizzle mentioned you, biatch yo. Dude holla'd you was tha top billin.

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **TRAVIS  
** (smiling) Oh, da ruffneck did, biatch? Huh.

 **DEAN  
** Listen, we wanted ta ask you, biatch... what tha fuck exactly happened up there, biatch?

 **TRAVIS  
** I aint shizzle yo. Dude fell tha fuck up in a sinkhole, I went ta tha truck ta git some rope, and, uh... by tha time I gots back...

 **DEAN  
** What did you see, biatch?

 **TRAVIS  
** Nothin'. Just Dustin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** No woundz or anything, biatch?

 **TRAVIS  
** Well, da thug was bleeding... from his wild lil' fuckin eyes n' his wild lil' fuckin ears, his nose. But thatz dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** So you be thinkin it could be dis whole mad cow thang, biatch?

 **TRAVIS  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. Thatz what tha fuck tha doctors is sayin'.

 **SAM  
** But if it was, da thug would've acted strange beforehand, like dementia, loss of motor control. Yo ass eva notice anythang like that, biatch?

 **TRAVIS  
** No. No way. But then again, if it wasn't some disease, what tha fuck tha hell was it, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Thatz a phat question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know, can you tell our asses where dis happened, biatch?

 **TRAVIS  
** Yeah.

A while later, DEAN n' SAM arrive all up in tha scene of DUSTIN'S dirtnap. Da sinkhole is surrounded by five-o tape.

 **DEAN  
** Huh. What do you think, biatch?

 **SAM  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. But if dat muthafucka, Travis, was right, it happened pretty damn fast.

They duck under tha five-o tape n' look tha fuck into tha hole wit a gangbangin' flashlight.

 **DEAN  
** So, what, biatch? Some sort of creature chewed on his dome, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, there'd be a entry wound. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Soundz like dis thang hit dat shiznit from tha inside.

 **DEAN  
** Huh. Looks like there be a only room fo' one. Yo ass wanna flip a cold-ass lil coin, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Dean, our crazy asses have no clue whatz down there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **DEAN  
** picks up a nearby coil of rope.

 **DEAN  
** All right, I be bout ta go if you trippin like a muthafucka. Yo ass scared, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Flip tha damn coin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

DEAN chucklez n' takes a cold-ass lil coin outta his thugged-out lil' pocket.

 **DEAN  
** All right, call it up in tha air... chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

Dude flips tha coin, n' SAM catches it up in midair. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **SAM  
** I be going.

 **DEAN  
** I holla'd I'd go.

 **SAM  
** I be going.

 **DEAN  
** All right.

SAM begins tyin tha rope round his waist.

 **SAM  
** Don't drop mah dirty ass.

INT. IMPALA

While DEAN drives, SAM is examinin a thugged-out dead beetle up in his hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** So you found some beetles. In a hole, up in tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Thatz shocking, Sam.

 **SAM  
** There was no tunnels, no tracks. No evidence of any other kind of creature down there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Yo ass know, some beetlez do smoke meat. Now, itz probably dead meat yo, but

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck nuff did you find down there, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Ten. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** It'd take a whole lot mo' than dat ta smoke up some dudez dome. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** Well, maybe there was mo' n' mo' n' mo'.

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a fuck, it soundz like a stretch ta mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** Well, we need mo' shiznit on tha area, tha hood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Whether suttin' like dis has eva happened before.

As they drive all up in town, they pass a sign fo' a open house, decorated wit red balloons.

 **SAM  
** What, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** I know a phat place ta start. (Another sign reads, "Models Open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. New Buyers' BBQ Today!") I be kinda horny fo' a lil barbeque, how tha fuck 'bout yo slick ass? (SAM gives his ass a knowin look.) What, we can't rap ta tha locals, biatch?

 **SAM  
** And tha free chickenz gots nothin' ta do wit it, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Of course not. I be a professional. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

 **SAM  
** Right.

They pull over n' git outta tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They begin struttin down tha street ta tha open house.

 **DEAN  
** Growin' up in a place like dis would freak me out.

 **SAM  
** Why, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Well, manicured lawns, "How tha fuck was yo' day, honey?" I'd blow mah domes out.

 **SAM  
** Therez not a god damn thang wack wit "normal".

 **DEAN  
** I'd take our crew over aiiight any day. It make me wanna hollar playa!

They approach tha doggy den n' knock on tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da homeballer, LARRY PIKE, lyrics.

 **LARRY  
** Welcome.

 **DEAN  
** This tha barbeque, biatch?

 **LARRY  
** Yeah, not tha dopest weather yo, but... I be Larry Pike, tha pimper here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho fo' realz. And yo ass is... , biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. This is Sam.

They shake hands.

 **LARRY  
** Sam, Dean, phat ta hook up you, biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, you two is horny bout Oasis Plains, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Yes, sir. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **LARRY  
** Let me just say - we accept homeballaz of any race, religion, color, or... horny-ass orientation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

SAM n' DEAN realize what tha fuck he is tryin ta say.

 **DEAN  
** We brothers.

LARRY seems slightly embarrassed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **SAM  
** Our daddy is gettin on up in years, n' our laid-back asses just lookin' fo' a place fo' his muthafuckin ass.

 **LARRY  
** Great, pimped out. Well, seniors is welcome, like a muthafucka. Come on in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

LARRY takes dem outside ta tha backyard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! There is fuckin shitloadz of playas struttin around, chattin n' smokin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass holla'd you was tha pimper, biatch?

 **LARRY  
** Eighteen months ago, I was struttin dis valley wit mah survey crew. There was not a god damn thang here but scrub brush n' squirrels fo' realz. And you know what, we built such a sick place ta live dat I straight-up looted tha fuck into it mah dirty ass. This is our house. We tha straight-up original gangsta crew up in Oasis Plains. (They strutt over ta his hoe.) This is mah hoe, Joanie.

 **JOANIE  
** Yo there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **DEAN  
** Hi. (They shake hands.)

 **JOANIE  
** Yea muthafucka, sick ta hook up you, biatch.

 **LARRY  
** Sam n' Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** (bobbin her hand) Sam.

 **JOANIE  
** Pleasure.

 **LARRY  
** Tell dem how tha fuck much you ludd tha place, honey fo' realz. And lie if you gotta cuz I need ta push some houses.

 **JOANIE  
** Right.

They laugh.

 **LARRY  
** Boys, will you excuse me son?

Dude leaves.

 **JOANIE  
** Don't let his salesman routine scare you, biatch. This straight-up be a pimped out place ta live.

A straight-up energetic biatch, LYNDA BLOOME, approaches dem wild-ass muthafuckas yo. Her black afro is pulled back up in a tight bun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **LYNDA  
** Yea muthafucka, I be Lynda Bloome, head of sales.

 **JOANIE  
** And Lynda was second ta move in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat hoe a straight-up noisy neighbor, though.

Bitch leaves.

 **LYNDA  
** (laughing) Dat hoe kidding, of course. I take it you two is horny bout becomin homeballers.

 **DEAN  
** Well...

 **SAM  
** Y-yeah, well...

 **LYNDA  
** Well, let me just say dat we accept homeballaz of any race, religion, color, or... horny-ass orientation.

DEAN chuckles.

 **DEAN  
** Right. Um... I'ma go rap ta Larry. (to SAM) Okay, honey, biatch?

Dude strutts away, smackin SAM on his thugged-out ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' LYNDA share a awkward silence.

INT. PIKE RESIDENCE

Inside tha house, LARRY n' DEAN come downstairs, finishin a tour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **LARRY  
** You've gots three chizzlez - carpet, hardwood, n' tile.

DEAN notices a jar full of bugs on a nearby table.

 **DEAN  
** Whoa. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Someone likes bugs.

 **LARRY  
** My fuckin lil hustla - he tha fuck into insects, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Dat punk hella... inquisitive.

EXT. PIKE RESIDENCE

Outside, LYNDA is still poppin' off ta SAM.

 **LYNDA  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck can say "no" ta a steam shower, biatch? I use mine everyday. It make me wanna hollar playa!

 **SAM  
** (uninterested) Soundz pimped out. (While LYNDA continues rappin', SAM notices a tarantula crawlin towardz her hand, which is restin on a table fo' realz. A few feet away, LARRYz son, MATT, is watchin excitedly.) Excuse mah dirty ass. (Dude pushes LYNDA outta tha way n' picks up tha spider, brangin it over ta MATT.) Is dis yours, biatch?

 **MATT  
** (takin it from him) Yo ass gonna tell mah dad, biatch?

 **SAM  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. Whoz yo' dad, biatch?

 **MATT  
** (scoffs) Yeah, Larry probably skips me up in tha crew introductions.

 **SAM  
** Ouch. First name basis wit tha oldschool playa - soundz pretty grim.

 **MATT  
** Well, I aint exactly brochure material. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

 **SAM  
** Well, hang up in there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Well shiiiit, it gets better, all right, biatch? I promise.

 **MATT  
** When, biatch?

 **LARRY  
** Matthew. (They turn ta peep LARRY n' DEAN struttin towardz dem wild-ass muthafuckas.) I be so sorry bout mah lil hustla n' his... pet.

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but no bother n' shit.

 **LARRY  
** Excuse us.

Dude strutts away wit MATT.

 **SAM  
** Remind you of some muthafucka? (DEAN looks over at LARRY, whoz ass is yellin at MATT yo. Dude looks back at SAM, confused.) Dad, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Dad never treated our asses like dis shit.

 **SAM  
** Well, Dad never treated you like dis shit. Yo ass was slick yo. Dude was all over mah case. Yo ass don't remember, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Well, maybe dat schmoooove muthafucka had ta raise his voice yo, but sometimes, you was outta line.

 **SAM  
** (scoffs) Right. Right, like when I holla'd I'd rather play soccer than learn bowhunting.

 **DEAN  
** Bowhuntingz a blingin skill.

 **SAM  
** (rollin his wild lil' fuckin eyes) Whatever n' shiznit yo. How tha fuck was yo' tour, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Oh, dat shiznit was pimpin. I be locked n loaded ta buy. (SAM laughs.) So you might be onto somethin'. Looks like Dustin Burwash wasn't tha straight-up original gangsta strange dirtnap round here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **SAM  
** What happened, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** On some year ago, before they broke ground, one of Larryz surveyors dropped dead while on tha thang. Git dis severe allergic erection ta bee stings.

 **SAM  
** Mo' bugs.

 **DEAN  
** (nodding) Mo' Bugs.


	3. ACT TWO

INT. IMPALA

While SAM drives all up in tha hood, DEAN looks all up in they fatherz journal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know, I've heard of killa bees yo, but killa beetles, biatch? What tha fuck iz it dat could make different bugs attack, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Well, hustlins sometimes include bug manifestations.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah yo, but I didn't peep any evidence of pimp activity.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, me neither n' shit.

 **DEAN  
** Maybe they bein controlled somehow. Yo ass know, by suttin' or one of mah thugs.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass mean, like Willard, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, bugs instead of rats, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

 **SAM  
** There is casez of psycho connections between playas n' muthafuckas - elementals, telepaths.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, dat whole Timmy-Lassie thang. (Dude be thinkin fo' a second n' realizes something.) Larryz kid - he gots bugs fo' pets, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

 **SAM  
** Matt, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **SAM  
** Dude did try ta scare tha realtor wit a tarantula.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass be thinkin he our Willard, biatch?

 **SAM  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck fo' realz. Anythingz possible, I guess.

 **DEAN  
** Ooh, hey. Pull over here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

SAM pulls tha fuck into tha empty driveway of one of tha Oasis Plains cribs.

 **SAM  
** What is our phat asses bustin here, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** (gettin outta tha car) It aint nuthin but too late ta rap ta anybody else.

 **SAM  
** We gonna squat up in a empty house, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** I wanna try tha steam shower n' shit. Come on. (SAM don't move.) Come on!

Reluctantly, SAM pulls tha hoopty tha fuck into tha garage, n' DEAN closes dat shit.

INT. BLOOME RESIDENCE

LYNDA BLOOME entas her bedroom, turnin on tha light. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch turns on tha televizzle n' takes her afro outta tha bun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **WOMAN ON TV  
** Atoka Valley County fuckin started mandatory insecticizzle sprayin across a wide swath of tha district todizzle. It make me wanna hollar playa! Authoritizzles say tha decision ta spray was made cuz of nuff muthafuckin recent casez of Westside Nile virus, coupled wit a thugged-out dramatic increase up in tha mosquito population of some areas.

As her ass is watchin tha hype, a big-ass spider crawls outta LYNDA'S afro n' onto her face. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch gasps n' swipes it away. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch turns off tha televizzle, frightened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

A few moments later, LYNDA is up in tha shower n' shit. While her ass is washin her hair, a straight-up big-ass spider crawls up from behind tha showerhead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! In a matta of seconds, hundredz of enormous spidaz begin crawlin up from tha tiles. LYNDA opens her eyes n' screams. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch breaks all up in tha glass of tha shower doors n' tries ta run away. Da camera pans over ta her n' shiznit fo' realz. A trail of blood leadz from tha bathtub ta tha bedroom floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. LYNDA is lyin there, dead, as nuff muthafuckin smalla spidaz run across her body.

INT. OASIS PLAINS HOME; MORNING

SAM approaches tha bathroom door, where tha shower can be heard hustlin yo. Dude knocks.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass eva comin' outta there, biatch?

 **DEAN O.S  
** What, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Dean, a five-o call came up in on tha scanner n' shit.

 **DEAN  
** Hold on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** Someone was found chillin wit tha fishes three blocks from here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

Da bathroom door opens. DEAN is standin there, up in tha steam-filled room, wit a towel on his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** This shower is phat.

 **SAM  
** (rollin his wild lil' fuckin eyes) Come on.

Dude strutts away.

EXT. BLOOME RESIDENCE

DEAN n' SAM pull up n' git outta tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They approach LARRY, whoz ass is finishin poppin' off ta one of mah thugs on tha phone. LYNDA'S body is bein carried up in a funky-ass body bag on a stretcher n' shit.

 **LARRY  
** Hello. You're, uh, back early.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, our laid-back asses just drove in, wanted ta take another peep tha hood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg!

 **SAM  
** Whatz goin' on, biatch?

 **LARRY  
** Yo ass muthafuckas met, uh... Lynda Bloome all up in tha barbeque, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Da realtor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **LARRY  
** Well, she, uh... took a dirt nap last night.

Da thugs is shocked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** What happened, biatch?

 **LARRY  
** I be still tryin' ta smoke up. Identified tha body fo' tha police. Look, I-I be sorry, dis aint a phat time now, nahmeean, biatch?

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but all gravy.

 **LARRY  
** Excuse mah dirty ass.

Dude leaves dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know what tha fuck we gotta do, right, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Git up in dat house.

 **DEAN  
** See if we gots a funky-ass bug problem.

A few minutes later, they climb over tha fence, up tha side of tha house, n' all up in LYNDA'S bedroom window.

INT. BLOOME RESIDENCE

Da outline of her dead body is drawn on tha carpet.

 **DEAN  
** This be lookin like tha place. (They strutt over ta another part of tha room. DEAN picks up a towel, n' drops it when da perved-out muthafucka sees it is covered up in dead spiders.) Spiders. From Spider Boy, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Mack - maybe.

EXT. ROAD - DAY

DEAN n' SAM pull up all up in tha curb fo' realz. Across tha street, MATT gets off a school bus n' begins strutting.

 **DEAN  
** Isn't his fuckin lil' doggy den dat way, biatch?

Dude points up in tha opposite direction. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** Yup.

 **DEAN  
** So wherez he goin', biatch?

They git outta tha hoopty n' begin followin MATT. They find his ass up in tha woods, examinin a grasshopper n' shit.

 **SAM  
** Yo, Matt. Remember me son, biatch?

 **MATT  
** What is you doin' up here, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Well, we wanna rap ta you, biatch.

 **MATT  
** Yo ass aint here ta loot a house, is yo slick ass? (DEAN shakes his head.) W-wait. Yo ass aint serial killers?

SAM n' DEAN laugh.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, no. Fuck dat shit, I be thinkin you safe.

 **DEAN  
** So, Matt... you shizzle know a shitload bout insects, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

 **MATT  
** So, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Did yo dirty ass hear what tha fuck happened ta Lynda, tha realtor, biatch?

 **MATT  
** I hear her dope ass took a dirt nap dis morning.

 **DEAN  
** Mm, thatz right. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Spider bites.

 **SAM  
** Matt... you tried ta scare her wit a spider n' shit.

 **MATT  
** Wait. Yo ass be thinkin I had suttin' ta do wit that, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass tell us.

 **MATT  
** That tarantula was a joke fo' realz. Anyway, dat wouldn't explain tha bee battle or tha gas company muthafucka.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know bout them, biatch?

 **MATT  
** There is somethin' goin on here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I don't give a fuck what... but somethingz goin' down wit tha insects, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Let me show you something.

Dude picks up his backpack n' beings struttin wit dem ta another area.

 **SAM  
** So, if you knew bout all dis bug stuff, why not rap r dad, biatch? Maybe his schmoooove ass could clear dem hoes out.

 **MATT  
** Believe me, I've tried. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But, uh, Larry don't dig mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** Why not, biatch?

 **MATT  
** Mostly, biatch? Dat punk too pissed tha fuck off up in his wild lil' freak son. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** (scoffs) I hear you, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass do, biatch?

SAM turns n' gives his ass a look.

 **SAM  
** Matt, how tha fuck oldschool is yo slick ass, biatch?

 **MATT  
** Sixteen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** Well, don't sweat it, cuz up in two years, suttin' pimped outz gonna happen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **MATT  
** What, biatch?

 **SAM  
** College. You'll be able ta git outta dat doggy den n' away from yo' dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** What kind of lyrics is that, biatch? Kid should stick wit his crew.

SAM sighs n' glares at his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** How tha fuck much further, Matt, biatch?

 **MATT  
** We close.

SAM glares at DEAN one mo' time before his schmoooove ass continues struttin fo' realz. A few moments later, they reach a big-ass clearing. Da soundz of hundredz of different insects can be heard among tha trees.

 **MATT  
** I've been keepin track of insect populations. It's, um, part of a AP science class.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass two is like peas up in a pod. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

SAM ignores his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Whatz been happening, biatch?

 **MATT  
** A lot. I mean, from bees ta earthworms, beetles... you name dat shit. It aint nuthin but like they congregatin here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **DEAN  
** Why, biatch?

 **MATT  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck.

 **SAM  
** Whatz that, biatch?

Dude points ta a thugged-out dark patch of grass all dem feet away. Curious, they strutt over ta it n' discover hundredz of worms. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. DEAN steps on a shitload of them, n' they fall tha fuck into tha ground, bustin a hole yo. Dude crouches down n' uses a stick ta poke round up in tha hole.

 **DEAN  
** Therez somethin' down there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

Dude puts tha stick down n' puts his hand tha fuck into tha hole. With a gangbangin' finger-lickin' disgusted expression, he feels suttin' inside tha hole yo. Dude brangs his hand back up, n' tha three thugs look horrified. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Covered up in dirt n' worms, be a human skull.


	4. ACT THREE

EXT. DEPARTMENT OF ANTHROPOLOGY

SAM n' Dean pull up outside tha local universitizzle n' git outta tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They take tha box of bones up from tha backseat n' head towardz tha building.

 **SAM  
** So, a funky-ass bunch of skeletons up in a unmarked grave.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Maybe dis be a hustlin. Pissed off spirits, biatch? Some unfinished bidnizz, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, maybe. Question is, why bugs, biatch? And why now, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Thatz two thangs. (SAM ignores his muthafuckin ass.) Yeah, so wit dat kid back there... why'd you tell his ass ta just ditch his crew like that, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Just, uh... I know what tha fuck tha kidz goin' all up in cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce.

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck 'bout tellin' his ass ta respect his oldschool dude, howz dat fo' lyrics, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Dean, come on. (They stop strutting.) This aint bout his oldschool man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass be thinkin I didn't respect Dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Thatz what tha fuck dis be about.

 **DEAN  
** Just forget it, all right, biatch? Awwww shiiiit muthafucka, I brought it up.

 **SAM  
** I bigged up his muthafuckin ass. But no matta what tha fuck I did, dat shiznit was never phat enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce.

 **DEAN  
** So what tha fuck is you sayin', biatch? That Dad was pissed tha fuck off up in yo slick ass, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Was, biatch? Is fo' realz. Always has been. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Why would you be thinkin that, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Because I didn't wanna bowhunt or hustle pool - cuz I wanted ta git all up in school n' live mah game, which, ta our whacked-out crew, made me tha freak.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, you was kind of like tha blonde chick up in Da Munsters.

 **SAM  
** Dean, you know what tha fuck most dadz is when they lil playas score a gangbangin' full ride, biatch? Proud. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Most dadz don't toss they lil playas outta tha house.

 **DEAN  
** I remember dat fight. In fact, I seem ta recall all dem chizzle phrases comin' outta yo' grill.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know, truth is, when we finally do find Dad... I don't give a fuck if he even gonna wanna peep mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, Dad was never pissed tha fuck off up in you, biatch. Never n' shiznit yo. Dude was trippin like a muthafucka.

 **SAM  
** What is you talkin' about, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Dude was afraid of what tha fuck could've happened ta you if da thug wasn't around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But even when you two weren't talkin'... he used ta swin by Stanford whenever his schmoooove ass could. (SAM'S smirk fades.) Keep a eye on you, biatch. Make shizzle you was safe.

 **SAM  
** What, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **SAM  
** Why didn't you tell me any of that, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Well, itz a two-way street, dude. Yo ass could've picked up tha phone. (SAM stares at his ass sadly.) Come on, we gonna be late fo' our appointment.

Dude strutts away.

INT. COLLEGE CLASSROOM

SAM n' DEAN is poppin' off wit tha pimp.

 **PROFESSOR  
** So, you two is hustlas, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Yeah, uh, we up in yo' class - Anthro 101, biatch?

 **PROFESSOR  
** Oh, yeah.

 **DEAN  
** So, what tha fuck bout tha bones, Professor, biatch?

 **PROFESSOR  
** This is like a bangin-ass find you've made. I'd say they 170 muthafuckin years old, give or take. Da timeframe n' tha geography heavily suggest Natizzle Gangsta.

 **SAM  
** Were there any tribes or reservations on dat land, biatch?

 **PROFESSOR  
** Not accordin ta tha oldschool record. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But the, uh, relocation of natizzle peoplez was like common at dat time.

 **SAM  
** Right. Well, is there any local legends, biatch? Oral histories bout tha area, biatch?

 **PROFESSOR  
** Well... you know, there be a a Euchee tribe up in Sapulpa. It aint nuthin but bout sixty milez from here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Someone up there might know tha real deal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

 **DEAN  
** All right.

EXT. ROAD THROUGH SAPULPA

DEAN n' SAM is rollin all up in Sapulpa. They stop n' ask a Natizzle Gangsta playa fo' directions. Once da ruffneck directs dem where ta go, they give props ta his ass n' drive away.

INT. OKLAHOMA DINER

SAM n' DEAN enta n' find another Natizzle Gangsta playa playin cardz at a table.

 **SAM  
** Joe White Tree? (Da playa nods.) We'd like ta ask you all dem thangs, if thatz all right.

 **DEAN  
** Our thugged-out asses hustlas from tha university.

 **JOE  
** Fuck dat shit, you not. Yo ass is lying.

DEAN seems taken aback.

 **DEAN  
** Well, truth is-

 **JOE  
** Yo ass know whoz ass starts sentence wit "truth is", biatch? Liars.

DEAN exchanges a look wit SAM.

 **SAM  
** Has you done heard of Oasis Plains, biatch? It aint nuthin but a housin pimpment near tha Atoka Valley.

 **JOE  
** (to Dean) I wanna bust a nut on his muthafuckin ass. Dat punk not a liar. (DEAN looks mad salty.) I know tha area.

 **SAM  
** What can you tell our asses bout tha history there, biatch?

 **JOE  
** Why do you wanna know, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Something... suttin' shitty is goin' down up in Oasis Plains. We be thinkin it might have suttin' ta do wit some oldschool bones we found down there - Natizzle Gangsta bones.

 **JOE  
** I be bout ta rap what tha fuck mah grandfather holla'd at me, what tha fuck his wild lil' freakadelic grandfather holla'd at his muthafuckin ass. Two hundred muthafuckin years ago, a funky-ass crew of mah ancestors lived up in dat valley. One day, tha Gangsta cavalry came ta relocate dem wild-ass muthafuckas. They was resistant, tha cavalry impatient fo' realz. As mah grandfather put it, on tha night tha moon n' tha sun share tha sky as equals, tha cavalry first raided our village. They murdered, raped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da next day, tha cavalry came again, n' tha next, n' tha next fo' realz. And on tha sixth night, tha cavalry came one last time fo' realz. And by tha time tha sun rose, every last muthafuckin dude, biatch, n' lil pimp still up in tha hood was dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They say on tha sixth night, as tha chizzle of tha hood lay dying, da thug whispered ta tha heavens dat no white playa would eva tarnish dis land again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Nature would rise up n' protect tha valley fo' realz. And it would brang as nuff minutez of misery n' dirtnap ta tha white playa as tha cavalry had brought upon his thugged-out lil' people.

 **DEAN  
** Insects, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Soundz like nature ta mah dirty ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Six days.

 **JOE  
** And on tha night of tha sixth day, none would survive.

SAM n' DEAN exchange a look.

EXT. OKLAHOMA DINER

SAM n' DEAN is struttin back ta tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **SAM  
** When did tha gas company playa die, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Uh, letz see, we gots here Tuesday, so, Fridizzle tha twentieth.

 **SAM  
** March twentieth? (DEAN nods.) Thatz tha sprang equinox.

 **DEAN  
** Da night tha sun n' tha moon share tha sky as equals.

 **SAM  
** So, every last muthafuckin year bout dis time, anybody up in Oasis Plains is up in dark shiznit n' shit. Larry built dis hood on cursed land. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** And on tha sixth night - thatz tonight.

 **SAM  
** If our phat asses don't do something, Larryz crew is ghon be dead by sunrise. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So how tha fuck do we break tha curse, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass don't break a cold-ass lil curse. Yo ass git outta its way. We've gotta git dem playas up now, nahmeean, biatch?

They git up in tha hoopty n' drive away.


	5. ACT FOUR

EXT. PIKE RESIDENCE - NIGHT

MATT is up in tha backyard wit a gangbangin' flashlight yo. Dude hears a noise comin from tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude crouches down by a patch of ground n' moves a rock. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly, tonz of cockroaches come crawlin up from under tha dirt. MATT runs away.

INT. IMPALA

DEAN is rollin while poppin' off on tha beeper wit LARRY.

 **DEAN  
** Yes, Mista Muthafuckin Pike, there be a a mainline gas leak up in yo' hood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg!

 **LARRY  
** (in his kitchen) God, straight-up, biatch? And how tha fuck big, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Well, itz fairly extensive. I don't wanna alarm you yo, but we need yo' crew outta tha vicinitizzle fo' at least twelve minutes or so, just ta be safe.

 **LARRY  
** And whoz ass is this, again, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Travis Weaver n' shit. I work fo' Oklahoma Gas n' Juice n' shit.

 **LARRY  
** Uh-huh. Well, tha problem is, I know Travis. Dat punk hit dat shiznit wit our asses fo' a year, so whoz ass is this, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Uh...

Panicked, dat schmoooove muthafucka hangs up.

 **SAM  
** Give me tha phone.

Dude takes tha beeper from DEAN n' dials a number n' shiznit fo' realz. At tha Pike residence, MATT lyrics his beeper. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **MATT  
** Hello, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Matt, itz Sam.

 **MATT  
** Sam, mah backyard is crawlin wit cockroaches.

 **SAM  
** Matt, just listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass gotta git yo' crew outta dat doggy den up in dis biatch, aiiight, biatch?

 **MATT  
** What, why, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Because somethingz coming.

 **MATT  
** Mo' bugs, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, a shitload mo' n' mo' n' mo'.

 **MATT  
** My fuckin daddy don't listen up in tha dopest of circumstances, what tha fuck is I supposed ta tell him, biatch?

 **SAM  
** You've gotta make his ass listen, aiiight, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Give me tha phone, break off tha phone. (Dude grabs tha beeper from SAM.) Matt, under no circumstances is you ta tell tha real deal, they'll just be thinkin you nuts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

 **MATT  
** But he mah-

 **DEAN  
** Tell his ass you gotz a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass sharp pain up in yo' right side n' you've gotta git all up in tha hospitizzle, aiiight, biatch?

 **MATT  
** Yeah. Yeah, aiiight.

Dude hangs up, n' so do DEAN.

 **DEAN  
** Make his ass listen, biatch? What is you thinkin', biatch?

EXT. PIKE RESIDENCE

A while later, they pull up outside LARRY'S house. LARRY looks up tha window and, seein they car, goes outside.

 **DEAN  
** Damn it, they still here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

They git outta tha car, joined by MATT.

 **LARRY  
** Git off mah property before I call tha cops.

 **SAM  
** Mista Muthafuckin Pike, listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **MATT  
** Dad, they just tryin' ta help.

 **LARRY  
** Git up in tha doggy den biaaatch!

 **MATT  
** (to SAM n' DEAN) I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit. I holla'd at his ass tha real deal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

 **DEAN  
** Our thugged-out asses had a plan, Matt, what tha fuck happened ta tha plan, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Look, itz 12:00 AM. They is comin any minute now, nahmeean, biatch? Yo ass need ta git yo' crew n' go, before itz too late.

 **LARRY  
** Yeah, you mean before tha biblical swarm.

 **DEAN  
** Larry, what tha fuck do you be thinkin straight-up happened ta dat realtor, huh, biatch? And tha gas company muthafucka, biatch? Yo ass don't be thinkin somethin' weirdz goin' on here, biatch?

 **LARRY  
** Look, I don't give a fuck whoz ass yo ass is yo, but you crazy. Yo ass come near mah pimp or mah crew again, n' we gonna gotz a problem.

 **DEAN  
** Well, I don't give a fuck bout ta be a thugged-out dballa yo, but we've gots a problem n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do.

 **MATT  
** Dad, they right, aiiight, biatch? We up in dark shiznit n' shit.

 **LARRY  
** Matt, git inside biaaatch! Now!

 **MATT  
** No! Why won't you dig me son?!

 **LARRY  
** Because dis is crazy dawwwwg! It don't make any sense biaaatch!

 **SAM  
** Look, dis land is cursed hommie! Muthafuckas have took a dirt nap here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Now, is you gonna straight-up take dat risk wit yo' crew, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Wait. (They all go silent.) Yo ass hear it, biatch?

From somewhere nearby, a straight-up bangin buzzin noise can be heard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well shiiiit, it continues ta git louder n' shit.

 **LARRY  
** What tha hell, biatch?

Da fluorescent bug light on tha porch begins ta overheat, cappin' nuff muthafuckin bugs at a time.

 **DEAN  
** All right, itz time ta bounce tha fuck out. Larry, git yo' hoe.

 **MATT  
** Guys.

All of dem look up ta tha sky. Millionz of bugs begin flyin towardz tha house, blanketin tha sky.

 **LARRY  
** Oh mah Dogg.

 **SAM  
** We bout ta never make dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** All Y'all up in tha house. All Y'all up in tha house, go!

They rush inside tha doggy den n' lock tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **SAM  
** Okay, is there anybody else up in tha hood, biatch?

 **LARRY  
** Fuck dat shit, itz just us.

JOANIE enters.

 **JOANIE  
** Honey, whatz happening, biatch? Whatz dat noise, biatch?

 **LARRY  
** Call 911. (Bitch don't move.) Joanie biaaatch!

 **JOANIE  
** Okay.

She picks up tha beeper n' dials.

 **DEAN  
** I need towels.

 **LARRY  
** Uh, up in tha closet.

 **SAM  
** (to Matt) Okay, we've gotta lock dis place up, come on - doors, windows, fireplace, every last muthafuckin thang, aiiight, biatch?

They go upstairs.

 **JOANIE  
** Phones is dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** They must have chewed all up in tha beeper lines. (Dude beings puttin towels all up in tha base of tha front door when tha juice goes out.) And tha juice lines.

 **LARRY  
** I need mah cell. (Dude picks up his beeper.) No signal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass won't git one. They're blanketin tha house.

Millionz of bugs begin collectin on tha doors n' windows, coverin tha entire building. Da five of dem peep it, waiting.

 **LARRY  
** So what tha fuck do our phat asses do now, biatch?

 **SAM  
** We try ta outlast it yo. Hopefully, tha curse will end at sunrise.

 **LARRY  
** Hopefully, biatch?

In tha kitchen, DEAN searches tha cabinets yo. Dude findz a cold-ass lil can of bug spray n' returns ta tha livin room.

 **JOANIE  
** Bug spray, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Trust mah dirty ass.

They hear a cold-ass lil creakin noise comin from somewhere round tha fireplace.

 **MATT  
** What tha fuck iz that, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Da flue.

 **DEAN  
** All right, I be thinkin dem hoes need ta git upstairs. (Suddenly, hundredz of thousandz of bugs come tha fuck into tha livin room, swarmin all round dem wild-ass muthafuckas. They scream n' try ta protect theyselves. DEAN uses a lighta wit tha can of bug spray ta make it flare up. Da flame wardz a shitload of tha bugs away.) All right, dem hoes upstairs muthafucka! Now! Go, go, go!

Dude goes upstairs wit dem tha fuck into tha attic, n' SAM closes tha door fo' realz. Afta a moment of bein up in tha attic, sawdust begins ta fall from tha ceiling. Da buzz of tha bees gets louder n' shit.

 **JOANIE  
** Oh, God, whatz that, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Somethingz smokin all up in tha wood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg!

 **MATT  
** Termites.

 **DEAN  
** All right, dem hoes git back. Git back, git back, git back!

Da three Pikes move as far tha fuck into tha corner of tha attic as they can. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. A second later, tha bugs chew a hole all up in tha ceilin n' swarm round tha room. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN frantically try ta patch up tha hole up in tha ceilin yo, but dis only works fo' a minute. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Soon, two mo' holez is chewed, n' while DEAN tries ta ward dem off wit bug spray, not a god damn thang seems ta work. Da five of dem stand up in tha corner, tryin desperately ta swat tha bugs away fo' all dem minutes. Then, suddenly, tha sun rises. Miraculously, tha bugs start ta leave all up in tha hole up in tha ceiling. Confused, SAM n' DEAN git all up in peep what tha fuck happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Through tha hole, they can peep tha bugs up in tha sky, near tha sun, up in one enormous colony. Da five of dem continue watching, relieved. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!


	6. ACT FIVE

EXT. PIKE RESIDENCE; MORNING

DEAN n' SAM approach LARRY, whoz ass is placin boxes tha fuck into a movin van. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** What, no peace out, biatch?

 **LARRY  
** Dope timin fo' realz. Another minute n' we'd done been gone.

Dude shakes both they hands.

 **SAM  
** For good, biatch?

 **LARRY  
** Yeah. Da pimpmentz been put on hold while tha posse investigates dem bones you found. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But I'ma make damn shizzle no one lives here again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass don't seem too upset bout dat shit.

 **LARRY  
** Well, dis has been tha freshest financial disasta of mah game yo, but... (Dude looks over at MATT, whoz ass is carryin a funky-ass box ta tha garbage) ...somehow, I straight-up couldn't give a fuckin shit.

They share a smile. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM strutts over ta MATT, whoz ass is throwin away all his crazy-ass muthafuckin insect paraphernalia.

 **SAM  
** Whatz this, biatch?

 **MATT  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. They kind of weird mah crazy ass up now, nahmeean, biatch?

They both laugh.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, I should hope so.

A few minutes later, SAM joins DEAN by tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They peep LARRY n' MATT, whoz ass is now gettin along straight-up well.

 **SAM  
** I wanna find Dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, me like a muthafucka.

 **SAM  
** Yeah yo, but I just... I wanna apologize ta his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** For what, biatch?

 **SAM  
** All tha thangs I holla'd ta his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude was just doin' tha dopest his schmoooove ass could. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** Well, quit freakin' tha fuck out, we'll find his muthafuckin ass fo' realz. And then you gonna apologize fo' realz. And then within five minutes, you muthafuckas is ghon be at each otherz throats, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

 **SAM  
** (laughs.) Yeah, probably. (They sit up in silence fo' all dem seconds.) Letz hit tha road. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** Let's.

They git up in tha car, givin one last wave ta LARRY n' MATT, n' drive away.


End file.
